GET OFF ME

Monday, December 6th,2010: a day that changed my life. For those who haven't heard, seen me, or got the news flash...I no longer have pink railroad tracks! Two years of agony, endless flossin', brushing,pickin', lispin', and, lets be honest, spitin'being unable to eat a friggin' thing I like, and now...FREEDOM! I feel like a Stripper that grew a third boob! Woot, Woot! My whites are pearly. They are currently hangin' out naked and unfettered as all Queenie's parts should be. GET OFF ME! They still hurt like hell, but that hasn't stopped me from shovin' them into innocent people's faces and demanding they say somethin' awesome about them! I feel just like the cat who got the cream...:) Yes, the Mules are jealous, but they can get over it. I deserve this. I waited friggin' years and years to get this done,and even my tooth sadist said they are "magnificent"...magnificent people! Even if he's lyin, I frankly don't give

Recently,Queenie deserted the mules and the Hubby,and ran like hell. I didn't leave permanently, but jest long enough to meet up with my brother, ogle some other faces in the city, and pretty much run amok for two whole days! Fabulous! My brother and I were rolling(innocently) through unknown parts of the City on a gorgeous Sunday morning,in search of a bar-be-que, and some coffee for Kreig. I wanted him to get some ASAP, as his constant moodiness was gettin' on my last nerve, much like me not having my chocolate fix. So we hooked a left, maimed the minimal amount of people possible, bounced our heads off the cab of the wagon, and screeched into the parking lot. Immediately, our caffeine droopin' eyes beheld the sight of 6 Po-po cars and two Fire Engines! Who squealed I was in town?! Dammit! I casually slumped down in the seat, my heart beatin' like a butterfly trapped in a mason jar, and Bro hit the brakes so hard my uterus squished together and deflated! But, as u

The mules and I are innocently going mock eighty with our tail feathers on fire, haulin' into town, when up ahead I see a small beige pinto coughin' and sputterin' like a ping pong ball in a windstorm in the outside lane. I proceed with caution, rein in on Lucy and Stickers, and after they calm down, we are nearin' the bumper of this pinto. I absentmindedly sneak a peek at the license plate, and in a fit of coughin', hey, I was drinkin' water folks, GET OFF Me!, I see its a niner! You know how in Texas when they get enough snow to make a footprint, and they start hoarding food, moving old people to higher ground and there's a run on chicken wings, 'cause, God Knows, if you can't get any for a day or so, death is imminent? Well, thats what seein' a niner in a beige pinto is like...Lucy's eye's peeled back and high whinny came outta her mouth, she jerked us sideways while poor Stickers was scramblin' for asphalt purchase! It was a de

I hitched up the mules the other day, on a fine and sunny morn and to town we rolled, giddy, amok and full of fun. We hit our favorite coffee kiosk with the realization that if we didn't get some hot chai, and a few cookies, there would be massive run in's and snarlin' mules amok in the streets. We pulled up, Lucy managed not to mangle our wagon in her excitement,the window opened, and there was the most excitin' thing they or I had seen in weeks...A MAN! Right there in the little hut of heavenly blends, liqueurs and spices was a dark haired person of the masculine persuasion. He was wearin' shorts ppl! and his legs were worth every short thread in them. Whoo Hoo! Lucy began droolin' her undying love right then and there....her eyes got big as saucers, her tongue lolled out and groomed her face with all the feminine wiles she possessed(little slut!) and her teeth sparkled like diamonds in the sunlight. I swear she winked at him! Dammit Lucy!, control yerself, a

Ah winter! Your sharp and frigid curling fingers upon my body shall not make my heart or mind your slave! I will burn like a glowing sun with warmth, smolder with wit and charm, and rise again like the fire of Leo that is my birthright. Your spare and selfish creeping ever toward my domicile does not strike fear into my being...I laugh whilst a heater churns wantonly at my feet. The freezing ice that snaps the still green and tender bough shall not crush, nor penetrate where I reside. I am armed with blankets galore, candles to burn and books to ponder while your bone breaking wind blows with gale force and permeating frost. I shall reign triumphant with all the earth's spirits, sprites and goblins on my side, riding out the early descending darkness with mirth and glee! I am passion,willful and free, I stand in defiance of all that you yearn to put asunder,asleep. I roar with heat, smoldering, crackling. If to make me quiver in fear, and acquiesce is your goal, I am the Lion of

For My Brother; I love you like no one else ever will. I love that you make me laugh, even when I have little to laugh about. I love that you make each moment something special, while treating others to how special you are. I love that I knew you when, and still love you in spite of most of it. I love that you treat the world how you want to be treated, while not allowing it to treat you unkindly. I love that you knew me when, and still love me in spite of most of it. I love that we love each other for who we are, in spite of the choices and mistakes we have made, are about to make, and will likely make again. I love how you make a long day brighter, a lonely time friendlier, and a Lazy day longer. I love that I am your only Sister, always will be, and that you are my only brother, and will always be. I love that you are another year older, because its' another year I have loved you, laughed with you and had the opportunity to enjoy being your Sis.... and that you are older than me

Fall always makes me stop, breathe deep and begin contemplation of how cold my ass is going to get this winter. Can't help it, I am not a fan of cold, snow, wind, or freezin'. I am however, a huge fan of fire's, homemade cookin', wool, heavy blankets, sweaters, hot tea, loads of chocolate and endless cuddlin' on the couch, even if it's usually those damn mules that are glued to my sides, stealin the blankets and sippin' my tea. Damn Mules! I tend to hibernate most of the winter, so if you want to see Queenie before the snow flies, you better invite me somewhere soon! I promise to do better with postin' crap on here for any of you to read, friend or foe( I seem to be collectin' more of the former than the latter lately, whoo hoo!) and keep you updated on the going's on with Lucy and Stickers'. I am hopin' like hell we can rustle up a bunch of my favorite people to go skinny dippin' up in Montana before Christmas comes, and have a fami

Make a wish, Make it grand, Make it big as you can stand. Make it loud, Make it strong, Make it up as you go along. Make a difference, Make your mark, Make your own creative spark. Make a statement, Make it true, Make it from the heart of you. Make a scene, Make a face, Make yourself some breathing-space. Make a way, Make more time, to laugh and play. Make peace, Make amends, Make a promise make new friends. Make it work, Make it go, Make it "yes" instead of "no". Make some music, Make some noise, Make a list of simple joys. Make some cookies, Make some tea, Make a date with destiny. Make a try, Make a guess, Make a choice for happiness. Make your life anything and everything you want it to be! Author Unknown How wonderful is this? Queenie.

Debauchery was everywhere this week! Old friends flapped their wings and landed in Whoville, new one's were forced by their Parents to come out and join the Circus, and others just wagon-ho'd in for a bit of moonshine and memories. I could not be happier, more tired, more sore in places I don't even mention here...GET OFF ME! I cooked, catered, rode herd on, liquor'ed up more people and laughed myself silly.Amok, Amok,Amok!! Bro showed up on his Cyder-Mocle and gave free rides, Women too hot to handle wore skimpy clothing( ya'll know I loved that!!) and I watched more friendships flare up and blossom than my heart can hold love for. Memories were made, connections re-solidified and lies upon lies were strewn about like lingerie at a Bordello raid! Whoo Hooo! Lucy and Stickers chased their tails, every other tail, and sniffed anything they could get to hold still long enough. Food from Coon-Ass Southern Women...Ok, just me, but hey, somebody had to help out these Da

They say the cowboys' time spanned some twenty years And their day has long since passed That barbed wire now rides night herd And the roundups run on gas We hear that horses now are bred to ride Not needed to work cattle That cowboy gear is just for show Like a rattlesnake with its rattles As the lonely howl of the timber wolf Has been replaced by the coyote's song The tough young men who trailed the herds In today's world don't belong But out there on the prairies In the canyons and the draws You'll see horsemen herding cattle And hear the branded mavericks bawl You'll see horses hot and lathered And the cowboys rope and tie See the cooky's fire start smoking As the long day starts to die Just the sight of young men riding Brings back images from the past While they yet ride these memories Until the final day will last And high up in the heavens Riding t

I heared it on the radio the other day that now cops can make you pay a ticket fer drivin' yer mules too fast jest by saying you looked like you were speedin'! WTF? What the hell does speedin' look like? If I am flyin' down the road with my hair on fire, plastered to the buckboard with my feet buried in Luce's Ass, then I can see where I would look like I'm speedin' But suppose I am the type of gal that just looks calm as milk while goin' 9-oh? Then how will you be able to tell I am speedin'?! Insert maniacal chuckle here! Come on ppl! This is as screwed up as a Soup Sandwich, and ya'll know it!! Get Off ME! There ain't no way to judge speedin' by looking! Its jest another way fer the Po Po's to meet their quotas without havin' to do any real investigatin'. I careen outta my drive way with my hair on fire, chocolate stuck to my butt, a smokey treat danglin' fer dear life outta my mouth while Lucy and Stickers run hell fer

I briefly worried that only a few ppl were reading my wonderful dribble...then I ate chocolate, drank a lot and decided screw 'em! I am Hilarious...their loss, my sanity. I would roll out in the Wagon today, but its a friggin' frog strangler, and since there are crazy Ho's on the loose( potentially anyway)I am far better off stayin' put, keeping Lucy from lickin' her eyeball off, or rippin' her stitches out and careenin' through the House like a convict on a day pass. Besides, someone has to keep Stickers' from eatin' the yard full of sage. My work is never done...Get off me! I made a few scarves that will double as Mule stranglers' in a pinch, updated my computer, watched a lot of dribble(worse than mine) on the Stupid tube and made some Fabulous Soup. Life is pretty good when you stop and think. I am now consuming chocolate, and headed for a long soak in the tub. Wine, Candles, Music,Bubbles, and ... No Mules Allowed! Lucy, Stickers...Get outta

So I am posting in hopes of well wishes and healin' thoughts for Lucy. Took her to the Sawbones today and found out she has a potentially serious tumor on her hip. I scheduled her for surgery on Monday, and here's hoping we find out its benign, and that when they remove it, they get it all. The prognosis otherwise is such that I feel like pukin' wailin' and lockin' myself in a room full of wine and chocolate until my uterus falls out, and my heart explodes. For her part, she is takin' the news pretty well...the fact that she doesn't know squat about it helps a lot! It is complete crap that Mules get Cancer anyway. WTF!! They are only with us for such a short time in the first place, and as they are buckets of Love and affection( and a little shit-bit thrown in if yer Lucy) is just total B.S! I am so mad, and scared I could jest shoot someone. Problem is, who? So at 8am Monday, Luce will be gettin' cut up,stitched up, blood-work done and a slew of other t

I already have enough to do reading food labels,and now I have to check my chocolate?! The friggin' Aztec's made chocolate with cocoa butter, and um, cocoa and vanilla- real stuff, so why is this not good enough for us today? Sadly, it comes down to my "Golden Rule", follow the money. Turns out Cocoa butter is expensive and therefore many manufactures of candy replaced it with PGPR(an emulsifier made from castor beans which reduces the viscosity of chocolate and similar coatings and compounds." Wikipedia Wikipedia goes on to explain that"It is primarily used to reduce the fat content of chocolate. Since 2006, commercial-grade candy bars, such as those made by Hershey's and Nestle , made an industry-wide switch to include PGPR as an ingredient - a possible indicator of a cost saving measure by the commercial chocolate industry." In addition, they are using synthetic vanilla, and artificial flavorings. Holy crap! I would rather pay more for the real

There I was,mindin' my own business, and everyone else's( ya'll know I do that!) when Lucy took my toe out in one fell swoop! I cussed like a streetwalker screwed by her john, and turned the air purple. Lucy ran like her butt was on fire( it will shortly be in a pot with fire under it, filled with onions for stew, so same difference) and Stickers stood there with eyes as big as saucers and her mouth hangin' open. I hobbled toward the chocolate stash and plopped on the couch with something besides my uterus achin' fer a change. Lucky I grabbed the whiskey along with the chocolate I plan on smearin' all over myself. Medicinal purposes you understand... Get off ME! My damn mule broke my piggy. You know, this little piggy went to the market, this little piggy went....well, my little freakin' piggy went snap! Get Off Me Mule!! It hurts like hell, and the chocolate is dwindlin' so I have to go to the damn store in mornin' and re-load. Ration list: chocolat

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing. It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive. It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human. It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disapp

I'm freakin' exhausted from chasin' these darn mules around screamin' at the top of my lungs and wieldin' all manner of threatenin' objects. Whew! Stickers got her uterus clipped last week, and she is more emotional now than she ever was. WTF? Tearin' around, chasin' everything that moves, howlin'and scarin' the shit outta Lucy, along with healin' her at every turn. Damn Mule! Ferget bandages and stiches, jest gimmie a straitjacket and a pot of boilin'water!! Get off Me! Didn't help that I took her dew claws too, since they were sharp as knives and they had hooked my Hoo Haw one too many times on "accident" Get Off Me!, try livin' here for One Day PPl, and you would know I can't make this crap up. I need an I.V of Vodka, and a vat of Chocolate to drown my sorry ass in. Insert Insane Laugh here. The Hubby escaped Sunday to Rawlins, and who can blame him? He took off like a man caught in a panty raid! I could have sto

Ive become a hooker. Not the kind that trolls the streets( A Madam is completely different than a Hooker folks! Shame on you!) the kind that makes stuff outta yarn. And Mules if they keep their crap up....but I digress. I'm makin' stuff! Mostly a mess, and a lot of pot holders that God knows the world hasn't nearly enough of, but, I made em' so shut it! Amok, Amok, Amok! With the patience of some dear friends( duck tape is good for soooo much stuff!)and a lot of sittin' around with my tongue stuck out, my butt squashed and not readin' directions, I have managed to make....one scarf. One. shut it. Did you make a scarf this week? No, you did not. I did. So there. Its beautiful, and it doubles as a Lucy strangler in a pinch. I like to multi-task,and make stuff with more than one purpose. GET OFF ME! I am now addicted to yarn. I have enough to hang myself with, and the temptation to purchase more is almost as great as the need for more chocolate when I already have

Middle Age is not really an age. Nor is it a state of mind. Its more like a Jackass you meet in a waterin' hole that decides,despite your lack of eye contact, general attempts to avoid any and all contact, your frequent escapes to the bathroom, and running off to talk with other people you don't like either, but won't stalk you later, that you are interested and won't shut up, go away, listen when you try to end the conversation,follows you around, tries to become friends with your friends,all the while standin' there like a wart no one wants to mention,look at,or acknowledge. Or,its like a candy thief that claims they don't eat sweets and when yer not lookin',or expectin' it, they steal your chocolate and beat feet with the very thing that keeps you sane,out of prison, and from rippin' heads off chickens, mules, and diving into traffic! S.O.B! One day you are high, tight, supple,lean and have the skin that grows on babies asses, lines are only on p

What happened to all the nice guys? The answer is simple: you did. See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you. At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too

As I sit here in the sanctuary of my Boudoir( shut up, its my lie) contemplating my naval lint, a question pops into the space between these great new earrings that The Lady gave me,( Thanks Woman!) and since this is where I force people to contemplate this crap, I thought I would spew it out and see what ya'll think. How are we, as a species, supposed to balance Honesty with Tact? You are going to overlook the complexity of this question, I know you are, so go back and read it again! GET OFF ME! Do it now,I will wait for you to catch up..... Ok. So lets dive right in like we are wearing our thinking caps, and they aren't so small they're pinchin' off the circulation to our spinal cords. I was always impressed with the idea that Honesty is the best policy growing up, and I am sure the rest of you were too. Problem is, what is that fine line between honesty and tact really about? I mean, if your friend is wearing the most God awful outfit you have ever seen on a Human Be

Ok, most of you know by now that I got wires on my teeth this year. Yep, went down to the Tooth Sadist and had em applied. WTF was I thinkin'?! We may never know. Let me jest say that I have never hurt so much in one area of my body in my life( I don't have kids, so shut it!) The only good thing to come out of this so far is that I have lost 15 pounds of blubber, and that is merely cause I can't eat squat! Soup rations are about the most I can stomach so its a good thing I like it. The worst part about em' is that jest when you get "used" to em',which is a term I use loosely, they put all new wires in, and come up with other tortures to inflict upon yer poor mouth! They're called rubber bands. This jest makes me want to duct tape my Tooth Sadist to the wagon, give Lucy and Stickers some crack and let them haul him all over the countryside buck naked with his hair on fire covered in bear grease. Amok! Amok! Amok! I now own the manufactures of dental wax

Wherever I go, I have something to say to any and everyone who will,or will be forced, to listen. This is part of my Southern charm,and part of my loud, extroverted sassy mouth. I LOVE THIS ABOUT ME! So do ya'll so shut it! However, since I live in Whoville,for now, there are people who find this either offensive, annoying, or just wrong. Tough shit! How can you people( Whovilliagers)deal with how boring and mad you are all the freakin' time! I find that most folks today have this horrible habit of leaving their houses, bringing with them,a huge elephant,traveling on their shoulders comprised of all of their bad moods, bitchy personalities and whatever else they are pissed off about from breakfast that morning. Eat some freaking chocolate and GET OVER IT PEOPLE! If I want to deal with jerks, I'll go to the damn post office, as there are plenty for the pluckin' there. Ass%$#&*! Its really ok to be friendly, happy, outgoing and even perky in public. I love a good