GET OFF ME

The End is Near! The End is Near! Well, its 2012, and November so I suppose, as they have surely said for the last several hundred years, the end is near. December 21 is supposed to be the beginning of the end. I am in no way, shape or form ready for this. And its only several weeks away. I am going to die. I do not say this to make you sad. I say this to inform you. When the shit hits the fan and people are running amok lootin', killin' and plunderin' all manner of societies in this nation, rest assured I am already screwed. Lemme 'splain. A friend of mine put it to me that those who live in a populated area, and yes, while Wyoming is not that populated there is an actual city here, and I have neighbors that can come at me from every direction, are going to be in deep shit. He surmised my demise this way," you cannot defend your home,food,family, or in your case, your mules, in a populated area. Everyone will come at you from all sides and you will be amo

Once upon a time I just bought socks. I bought them and never thought a thing about them, except possibly when I was young and "slouch socks" were the fashion. I merely made sure that I was buying that which was cool. I had too, as at that time we were all on crack about fashion and were "rolling" our pant legs up and socks were visible to the gaping masses where ever we went. This was the most consideration I gave them. Ma washed them, I wore them. When I needed new ones, we went to the store and I bought a big bag of them. Like 10 pair for 6 bucks. Then one day, innocently minding my own business, focusing on the important shit in life, like chocolate, wine and mule driving, I happened to see these particular socks. They came in the most delicious colors: Ballerina Pink, Baby Blue, Luscious Lavender and Terrific Teal. Then I touched them. OMG, I nearly had an orgasm! These were, and still remain, the softest socks I have ever felt. On the Planet people! I

I cannot, in all honesty, take it anymore. I feel compelled, on behalf of all tall American People, to share the following Rules on How to Treat Tall Folks. Let me begin by admitting just how freakin' tall I am, so I don't have to answer that mind numbing annoying question. I am 5' 11" tall. No,really. I measured. With a friggin' tape measure and a spotter!( I needed one so that they could verify this for posterior-ty...um...posterity. Or somethin'. I forget, but there was a person that was not me, and there was no chocolate or liquor until after we completed the task.) GET OFF ME! For real. I actually AM REALLY 5 Feet 11 inches tall. That's it! From the Tip of my damn toes to the top of my pinhead. I am so sick and Hell-fired tired of people randomly asking me, no matter where the Hell I am, what the hell I'm doing,or who I'm with,"How tall are you??." I tell them through clenched, grinding teeth, with a smile on my face( which is