GET OFF ME

Well my darlin' minions, here we are again at time change. Those of you with enough time on your hands, and who are crazy enough to keep readin' this stuff, know how much I hate this particular time of year. Many people run amok this time of year, sinisterly remindin' us all that its time to "Fall Back". I just love this. My whole freakin' life is about fallin: into,under and onto somethin', so the last thing I need is some damn do-gooder tellin' me that time itself is about to knock me down and run amok on me! GET OFF ME! So I am up, and I am moving( at the speed of the hare that lost the damn race with the turtle) and I see that it's just now 1PM....well, that's a lot better than it bein' 2 in the afternoon, me running late for whatever I was supposed to do and havin' to make a whole wagon load of excuses for why I am not on time. Besides, blamin' Lucy,while useful,is not always fair,so I get off the hook merely by sayin',with

At some point in our lives we are all asked,or asking ourselves what we want out of life. I would settle for a Great Cup of Tea, a good chat with a Great Friend, and enough. Enough Money to do what I want... Enough Time to be with whomever I wish... Enough Chocolate to keep me fat and Sassy... Enough Friends to make me smile... Enough Light to see what lies ahead... Enough Mystery to keep me guessing... Enough Humor to keep me laughing... Enough Humility to keep my head low... Enough Triumph to make me proud... Enough Warmth to keep out the cold... Enough Love to fill my heart... Enough Happiness to make life worth living... Enough Space to keep me sane... Enough Vices to keep me imperfect... Enough Talent to make a difference... Enough Insanity to keep me striving forward... Enough Innocence to keep me awed... Enough Familiarity to breed contempt... Enough Absence to make my heart grow fonder... Enough Silence to hear the noise... Enough Health to keep me alive... Enough Magnificence

The Hubby takes off for parts unknown( he does that a lot) and I am left holdin' the bag! The dryer decided to blow a gasket the other day, and guess who had to saddle up a mule and ride to the rescue? Queenie, of course. I had a plan. It didn't help any, but I had one.... I am a smart gal, aside from what you read here, and I did the whole" I am female and therefore I will read the instruction sheet prior to beginin' a project" and even made a list of recommended common sense tools I would likely need to accomplish the job. So, I pull the plug. Very important, so as not to turn myself, or Lucy, who is of course right in the middle of the #%@*ing project into crispy appetizers for the vultures who will no doubt swoop in and make a meal outta us both( they aren't particular about what they eat!) I then proceed pulling the dryer out from the wall. Great, now there is enough room to slide a small anorexic gnats ass into the space provided. Fabulous. No normal siz

My newest debacle is that I'm tryin' to put together a winter poker nite.( Insert hands rubbin' together in Glee here!) Sorry Guys, Gals only!( We're biased, uh,yeah, Bi-assed.) It seems like every winter, I mope around the cabin, holdin' the mules hostage for company and wishin' I had somethin' other than toilin' at work to hold my interest. So this year, with the Hubby off God knows where, and the house to myself, I thought "Why not a little risky behavior among friends?" I could even ante up the mules if I find myself in a particularly terrible sitch' with no way out! GET OFF ME! They would go to good folks.... All I need is some HOT Women...Uh, Lady? Where are you? And some seriously good rations; uh, and some kind of restrainin' order to keep the neighborhood Males from raidin' the premises' in hopes of "Gettin' some". Beer. I mean Beer. Sheesh. Get yer minds outta the gutter! Poker in the House. Lucy, get out

Once again I am fixin' to be another year older! Yep, it's soon to be the day of Queenie's Birth! Hold onto yer rears, cause here comes the big 32! Ten years of livin' since the age of 22. Whew! I'm exhausted, and the mules are sittin with their tounges hangin' and their butts droopin! Who can blame them?! It's been one Wild West Freak Show this summer! Queenie got her very first visit to a sawbones. Crap! He came, he took an organ( no it weren't my heart!) and he left. Jerk! He didn't even let me see the darn thing up close and personal like. Least he could have done, seein' as how I had grown rather attached to it! And another thing, he didn't even give me a butt lift or a Tummy tuck. Sheesh! I paid him 'nuff to turn me into a Goddess, but, alas! He left me a Queen! LOL!! The Lady deserves a lot of credit here, as not only is she Gorgeous, but a true friend indeed! She put up with me a pukin', cryin' ( get off me! When yer pendi

MERCIFUL CRAP! No more of the nectar of life for this Queen! I made the fatal error for a woman, and stepped onto a tell you how FAT you are contraption. Holy Shit! Right now I am the size of a small country....America! I can hear the pig holler now....Suweeeeeeeee!!!!!! Time to put the fork down, I am on a diet. Run like hell now, cause you know this ain't gonna be purty. The mules took one look at my new "Rations" and hightailed it outta here like I was thinkin they were lean, and plannin to eat them. Stupid Mules, Fat Mules! OKAY. Here is what I need. Intervention. No body better offer me any sweets. Even Chocolate.(insert wild weepin'and wailin' here!) You know I will cave, eat the whole isle of it in the Going to get shit store, and then I'll be so FAT my Hubby will strap my wide-load ass to the Wagon and haul me up and down the lane until my bra snaps, my pants give out and the spandex shoots someones freakin eye out. Then that person will sue, and I ain

May 07, 2007 My faith in Humanity, and the idea that neighbors still mean something has been restored! I have some very dear friends that have moved out of state in the last few years, and have found themselves starting over in a new environment, and for those of us who have had this experience, you know how hard it can be, and what a toll it can take on your budget, mental state, relationships, and general health. I am pleased, and proud to tell you that they have conquered all of these hurdles, and tell you a wonderful story I shall not soon forget, and one that I hope inspires you to give when you can, but more importantly, when you cannot. You never know how much could come back to you...... Tiny and Mountain Trash packed up their wagon, their curtain climber, and some rations and headed for the open range of Montana about 3 years ago. My heart was surely sad for their leavin' but my hopes were high. Over the next few years, we heard all about how awful life was there; the town

Well Hell! If'n I weren't a day late and several million dollars short, you'd wonder if the mules and I were hibernatin'. Its the Two year anniversary of my Blog( as of Sunday, GET OFF ME!) and I wanted to let ya'll know jest how much fun me, the mules, and the whole cast of characters have had with this contraption! It's almost as good as Free Chocolate! Don't worry, there's plenty more craziness and insanity where all this came from, and we will be sure to share it with the 4 people who acually read this crap! LOL! Lucy, Goldie, The Lady, Hubby, and the Wagon are gearing up for a terrific summer of debauchery, booze, and who knows? We may even lose some weight, and do some exercising. If not, we don't want to hear a peep from none of you about it. I have a strict moral code about these things. If I don't do it, I can pretend I did....and that works for me. So there! Thanks for readin all about us, and keepin up with the nuthouse. By this time n

Hello my Minions! The weather is warm, the sun is shining, and I wouldn't put on a bathing suit, a pair of shorts, or even a tank top if my life depended on it. I have rolls that rival a Mountian range, and I am not okay with public displays of "gross mommy, look at that!" So here I am, safley covered, and fixin' to work out. Again. I have discovered that I need lots of help. I have a theory about fat loss. Einstein proved that matter cannot be destroyed, and therefore, no matter how much you sweat your ass off, feel the freakin burn, or suck in that which was not there a few years ago, once it "leaves" your ass, it goes into the air. Open the back door, and it goes out onto the porch. Lying in wait. Spying on you...and since you have to leave the house at some point, due to lack of Chocolate rations, WHAM! There it is, it sees you and it suctions itself right back onto your ass. It's a disgusting fact. I Call this the "You are never going to have t

Well the Lady is tryin' her hand at cyber dating...which is turnin' out to be Physco datin' and it seems that the entire U.S of A is interested in datin' her. Not that we who know her are surprised. If I looked like her, I could end world hunger, bring peace to the middle east, and get all geeks, nerds, and shy men laid. But that is another story. MY FREAKIN' EYE has decided to puke onto my face, and in light of this occurence, I have begun wearing what I like to call, a mask. This way small children, innocent pets, and others are not driven from wherever I wander screamin and shit like that. Frankly, its embarrasin', not to mention, they usually point. So GET OFF ME. Its not contagious, jest ugly as a mud fence in high humidity. So there! In other news, I have to go out and drink. I must. Even tho I am on a diet. Even tho my ass protests. My mind is a corruptible thing, and I lost it years ago anyhow. GET OFF ME!!! The Mules are in quarantine. Well, Lucy is any

I woke up, wiped the drool off my face, did all the "necessary" get up and get movin' crap,stumbled into the kitchen, made tea, and poured myself some cardboard flakes with colored water, scratched, and turned on the news. dammit! Why do I even bother with listenin' to this drivel? Another day in Queenie's world. I gotta fire up the wagon, poke at the mules and head out for gettin' some crap errands. I hate that. Not to mention its 10 freakin degrees outside and my eyeballs are so cold they wont weep. I have three days off that are all mine. Days that I can either be productive, or miser the time alone in bed, readin', watchin' the boob tube, or sleepin' until the hubby comes home and then pretend I did something....but, it seems people are determined to hang out with me and drag me out somewhere. I like people, properly seasoned, but sometimes, you just want to hike the covers up higher, and sleep in your own drool! GET OFF ME! My mama raised me t

I rolled over, checked my chocolate stash, wiped the drool off my face, woke the hell up and realized I have been away from my minions far too long! WTF? Why dont you people send a smoke signal and let a poor mental patient know she has been starin' off in space for months? That how people become stalkers, sicko's and fruitcakes, you know. Sheesh. Help a girl out for cryin' out loud!! On to Business. What the hell is with the friggin' arctic blast here latley? MY MULES are Stuck to the damn Wagon! Seriously. I strolled out into the pasture, and there they were, starin' at me like this was my idea of a joke. I assured them it was not, and proceeded to find some way to get Goldie's tail outta the air, and Lucy's nose outta her butt! Crazy Mules. MY Butt has been sub arctic for about a month, but I digress. I like winter just fine, but tryin' to get the mules goin in this kind of frigidness is more than this one woman amazon can handle. I would rather stay