Wagon Overload!


The mules and I are innocently going mock eighty with our tail feathers on fire, haulin' into town, when up ahead I see a small beige pinto coughin' and sputterin' like a ping pong ball in a windstorm in the outside lane. I proceed with caution, rein in on Lucy and Stickers, and after they calm down, we are nearin' the bumper of this pinto.

I absentmindedly sneak a peek at the license plate, and in a fit of coughin', hey, I was drinkin' water folks, GET OFF Me!, I see its a niner! You know how in Texas when they get enough snow to make a footprint, and they start hoarding food, moving old people to higher ground and there's a run on chicken wings, 'cause, God Knows, if you can't get any for a day or so, death is imminent? Well, thats what seein' a niner in a beige pinto is like...Lucy's eye's peeled back and high whinny came outta her mouth, she jerked us sideways while poor Stickers was scramblin' for asphalt purchase! It was a debacle. I spilled water, shot chocolate out my nostril and honestly, I think I had a mini heart palpitation!

We finally managed to pass the horror, right the mules and pacify the Gods that be, and while doing so I glance over, and there, OMG!, was a 400 pound woman draped in the drivers seat, which was screaming in pain;seriously, I heard it, the mules heard it, and the steering wheel of her pinto was made outta duck tape! Shit, and were not even in the South! WTF?

Upon closer inspection, mostly like when you see a train wreck and you can't look away, I saw that there was no passenger seat, and thank God, can you imagine? They would have to be Friggin' Jack Sprat to even fit it that thing with her!

I tightened my seat-belt, checked the see behind you contraption's and gave the mules the go like scared bats outta hell commands! Wagon, don't fail me now.....I cannot make this up ppl, and even if I could, you know you have seen her too. I think she's on some kind of state to state tour....

We did what any sane and sensible person, and mule would do. We holed up in a back alley smearing chocolate everywhere while we tried to calm down and eat some of it. I hightailed it through my errands and hotfooted it home. I broke the speed limit, but we didn't run into her again. And that was my goal.

I spent the rest of the day comfertin' the mules and drinkin' copious amounts of liquor while sittin' in the dark, locked house. GET OFF ME! you would have done the same, what if she saw where I lived? Can you imagine...I gotta go. Lucy's starin' down the dirt road with a look of sheer terror on her face, I may need reinforcements.

Queenie. Packin'!

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