Braced!


Ok, most of you know by now that I got wires on my teeth this year. Yep, went down to the Tooth Sadist and had em applied. WTF was I thinkin'?! We may never know. Let me jest say that I have never hurt so much in one area of my body in my life( I don't have kids, so shut it!)
The only good thing to come out of this so far is that I have lost 15 pounds of blubber, and that is merely cause I can't eat squat! Soup rations are about the most I can stomach so its a good thing I like it. The worst part about em' is that jest when you get "used" to em',which is a term I use loosely, they put all new wires in, and come up with other tortures to inflict upon yer poor mouth! They're called rubber bands. This jest makes me want to duct tape my Tooth Sadist to the wagon, give Lucy and Stickers some crack and let them haul him all over the countryside buck naked with his hair on fire covered in bear grease. Amok! Amok! Amok!

I now own the manufactures of dental wax, as I keep stickin' huge mint flavored wads of it anywhere in my mouth that I ken find room fer it. #@$%^!!! I have givin' up eatin' anything green, all gum, popcorn, toffee, raw veggies, pizza, corn on the cob, Score candy bars, caramel and anythin' else that tastes good. Fortunately, sex, alcohol,and chocolate aren't on the list or I would be givin' the mules the crack!

Got me a year to go, but I'm thinkin' he won't make it. Stay tuned to find out.


Queenie...drugs ppl; gimmie some!

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