Pirate Booty!
Hitch up the Wagons, pack up the mules and lets head out on another adventure!
So I am just hanging out checking my rearview for moving objects today, and low and behold!, something jumps out in my line of sight. Crap!
So enough about my driving, on to other trails. Has anyone else ever gone dumpster diving? Come on, I know I am not alone in this sport. See, that's how I view it. My mother likes to call it recycling, and Salvaging. I call it what it is...dumpster diving! Now, to truly apprecieate this particular sport, you have to know the rules.
Rule # 1. Scoping out the treasure!
This is usually done on the sly, in broad daylight. I don't necessarily go looking for this stuff( get off me, I DON"T!) but I seem to have some kind of genetic homing beacon built in that causes me to have to stop and look. So I see what I want, this time its a dresser.
One of those kids type ones that is just the perfect size to hold more cracked treasures than any reasonable person should have. So I own 5! So there it sits! Target aquired.
My mouth begins to water, my eyes start darting in different directions, checking to see if another skulker must be out skulked! I crouch down in my seat, peer around, and basically look as suspicious as possible, without acually doing anything wrong...yet! This is where it gets interesting.
Rule # 2. Planing the Escape Route! Usually the alley, less noticeable. Then, of course, I have to do the recon work. When should I pick it up, how much time do I have before I get seen, and who is my main competition.
Rule # 3. Do I need accomplices? This is a judgement call, and one that should only involve people that will help you hide bodies, as they are true friends. You cant have helpers that might squeal! This item is small, and no, I don't have to icriminate anyone else...this time. Whew!
The Mission!
Now we have done our homework, we can implement our plan of attack. About dusk, just when most people are sipping tea, making small talk after dinner, and thankfully, have already offloaded their garbage( now public property I might add, so NO! its not illegal) I can go creeping about like 007 on crack and get my booty! I love modern Pirating! Insane laugh here.
So I head out, along my pig trail that I have conviently mapped out in bold colored marker( yours doesnt have to be done this way, I have too much time on my hands...) and try to keep the Mules quiet. Damn Mules! I enter the alley, dim the lights, and leap from the Wagon like a 6 year old afraid of whats under the bed, ending up a mile from the Wagon ( model and make not mentioned for its protection!) and there I am, in the thick of it. Its do or die time! I have my trusty flashlight( the led kind, so I dont end up getting screwed by batteries) andI work quickly now, like a New York Street Con-Man, that know the gig is up! The rear flaps are open in a few seconds and adreniline is pumping at the rate of Tax increases, so I heft the 4ft tall 20 pound dresser like its a small box of JU-JU B's, throwing it into the back, all the time hearing the Mission Impossible tune in my head....dum dum...well, you get the idea...!
I leap onto the buck board, slap the mules in the ass, and yell( okay whisper) Yaw Mules, Yaw! We have to say that out here in the west, its required by law...
I haul butt with my booty, careening thru town, leaving a trail of dirt and mule poo in my wake( lets face it,the local sherriff could find me blindfolded with no nose for detective work whatsoever!) And then, I laugh hesterically while tearing down the back trail like an asylum escapee( why have I always escaped from somewhere?) and hit the hacienda like Bonny and Clyde, drunk on my own adriniline and the thrill of having any booty to hide!
I stash the treasure in the Barn, lean against the wagon in relief and do a jig worthy of an Irish Dancer( the kind that look stupid) and enter the house. Another Andventure behind me!
So have any of you ever done that? Well, FINE! You don't even know what you are missing. Until Now!
So I am just hanging out checking my rearview for moving objects today, and low and behold!, something jumps out in my line of sight. Crap!
So enough about my driving, on to other trails. Has anyone else ever gone dumpster diving? Come on, I know I am not alone in this sport. See, that's how I view it. My mother likes to call it recycling, and Salvaging. I call it what it is...dumpster diving! Now, to truly apprecieate this particular sport, you have to know the rules.
Rule # 1. Scoping out the treasure!
This is usually done on the sly, in broad daylight. I don't necessarily go looking for this stuff( get off me, I DON"T!) but I seem to have some kind of genetic homing beacon built in that causes me to have to stop and look. So I see what I want, this time its a dresser.
One of those kids type ones that is just the perfect size to hold more cracked treasures than any reasonable person should have. So I own 5! So there it sits! Target aquired.
My mouth begins to water, my eyes start darting in different directions, checking to see if another skulker must be out skulked! I crouch down in my seat, peer around, and basically look as suspicious as possible, without acually doing anything wrong...yet! This is where it gets interesting.
Rule # 2. Planing the Escape Route! Usually the alley, less noticeable. Then, of course, I have to do the recon work. When should I pick it up, how much time do I have before I get seen, and who is my main competition.
Rule # 3. Do I need accomplices? This is a judgement call, and one that should only involve people that will help you hide bodies, as they are true friends. You cant have helpers that might squeal! This item is small, and no, I don't have to icriminate anyone else...this time. Whew!
The Mission!
Now we have done our homework, we can implement our plan of attack. About dusk, just when most people are sipping tea, making small talk after dinner, and thankfully, have already offloaded their garbage( now public property I might add, so NO! its not illegal) I can go creeping about like 007 on crack and get my booty! I love modern Pirating! Insane laugh here.
So I head out, along my pig trail that I have conviently mapped out in bold colored marker( yours doesnt have to be done this way, I have too much time on my hands...) and try to keep the Mules quiet. Damn Mules! I enter the alley, dim the lights, and leap from the Wagon like a 6 year old afraid of whats under the bed, ending up a mile from the Wagon ( model and make not mentioned for its protection!) and there I am, in the thick of it. Its do or die time! I have my trusty flashlight( the led kind, so I dont end up getting screwed by batteries) andI work quickly now, like a New York Street Con-Man, that know the gig is up! The rear flaps are open in a few seconds and adreniline is pumping at the rate of Tax increases, so I heft the 4ft tall 20 pound dresser like its a small box of JU-JU B's, throwing it into the back, all the time hearing the Mission Impossible tune in my head....dum dum...well, you get the idea...!
I leap onto the buck board, slap the mules in the ass, and yell( okay whisper) Yaw Mules, Yaw! We have to say that out here in the west, its required by law...
I haul butt with my booty, careening thru town, leaving a trail of dirt and mule poo in my wake( lets face it,the local sherriff could find me blindfolded with no nose for detective work whatsoever!) And then, I laugh hesterically while tearing down the back trail like an asylum escapee( why have I always escaped from somewhere?) and hit the hacienda like Bonny and Clyde, drunk on my own adriniline and the thrill of having any booty to hide!
I stash the treasure in the Barn, lean against the wagon in relief and do a jig worthy of an Irish Dancer( the kind that look stupid) and enter the house. Another Andventure behind me!
So have any of you ever done that? Well, FINE! You don't even know what you are missing. Until Now!
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