The Ear Saga











In the continuing bizarre struggle to survive that is my life, i developed a weird scaly thing on my left ear on the inside fleshy part that some insane people have pierced! It came out of nowhere and at first,I thought it was chocolate that had escaped my notice and the mules( who love it, but it is deadly to them, so, alas, they get none on purpose). Shortly thereafter, the scab came off revealing a perfect circle, with raised dark red flesh that was moist. Holy crap! An alien has infiltrated my brain via my ear!!, was my initial thought. Get Off Me! It could happen dammit!

Then I got off the crazy train and began thinking logically. I hate that I am capable of that, but I digress...It could be a spider bite. I've seen some scary ass,carry the mules off, holy freakin' shit storm big ass spiders in this house!: usually crawling amok on my couch, which incurs my high pitched Queeniriffic screaming holy shit balls voice, or on my living room rug, which, while eliciting same screaming, also includes me ordering the mules to kill, kill, kill it! They never listen,of course,so I am forced to leap into the air, panic like any boobed creature and run amok for a minute,while trying to choose my weapon of demise for it.

Let me just creep you out now, and get it over with. If this debacle was caused by a damn spider, it happened while I was sleeping! Holy. Friggin' Crap Monkeys!!! Yes. This is the worst thing that we can imagine. Safe in our warm, huge bed, ostensibly protected by huge teethful clawed Mules, and we are invaded by a Goddamn crawling ick that ate my damn ear. Spiders are the devil. Get Off Me. They are!

Anyway, so then it got worse and worse. And I mean bad. As in it turned black, my whole ear started to hurt so bad I wanted to cut it off to make it stop. Then I had to pick the scab off to release the grossness that was the infection. This was hell. It took three hours, a lot of scary implements I cannot freakin' believe I even own, a lot of hydrogen peroxide and a ton of ninny wailin', cursin', mule maiming and cryin'. Shut up!

Subsequently, I had to go to the freakin' sawbones and have it appraised. It was not worth any money, as it was not caused by aliens. They also thought spiders of some kind, or even possibly an abscess gone amok. By this time, it was a deep crater with a bit of scab that I could NOT get off, and a lot of pain, but less than it was prior to picking off most of the scab and flushing the infection out. They put ointment on it, and referred me to Wound care which I couldn't go to till the following Monday, and naturally this was Saturday afternoon. sigh. But! They gave me antibiotics and drugs! Hurray for Vicodin! It saved my sanity. Woot!

So here we are now, about two weeks later, and the wound is clean, down to the holy freaking shit cartilage that I can see in my ear! Its a lovely whitish Yellow and it hurts like hell if anything touches it. Anything. My shirt, my mob cap at work, a hat, I cannot sleep on my left side at all, cause I would piss in my bed. Air on it hurts. And naturally I have to wear a huge white bandage that is so visible,I think you can see it from space. Or Heaven. Its that damn obvious. Dammit.

So now every freaking body on the goddamn freaking planet wants to know what happened. Fuck if I know. Maybe it was aliens. I doubt they got any useful information from me though and I am pretty sure Lucy and Stickers saw what happened but they aren't talkin!. Damn Mules!

A friend of mine asked what happened today, and I just said it was a bad spider bite. She asked how, and I said while I was sleeping. She wanted to know if I ate the spider,did I think? I said no, I was pretty sure that I hadn't, as that would make me feel better. And it would, I would be like, hurray! That Bastard got munched in horrible retribution for biting me. Jackass! But I don't feel that way, so I am pretty sure the bastard is running amok somewhere in this house and I am going to have a coronary when I see him, and then choose my weapon( which is likely to be the vacuum) and kill his fat bastard ass.

Queenie. Holey. Freakin'. Shitballs.

Comments

Michelle said…
OUch. I hate spiders. I hope it heals soon.
January 20, 2013 at 11:21 AM
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