The Asylum Is Open

Spring had Sprung! Its the time of renewal, rebirth, and just regular birth! The Weather is warm, the animals are frolicking, and color is bursting forth wherever you look. Along with this comes warm weather( and for some, allergies...Sorry!) and time change. ICK! I hate that part. I just got used to the last one. Now I will spend the next several weeks not knowing weather I am coming, going or just insane( no comments about that please).

I love Spring, maninly cause Summer! Follows, but I could really do without having to learn a new routine along with the time of day or night. Can't we just leave anything alone?! Apparently not.

So I will lolly gag about the bed until it feels like its about 8am, and then I will look at the clock, realize that it is already 9am! and leap up as though on fire, rush thru my shower, make crappy coffee, burn my toast, and slosh the damn liquid all over the place in an effort to hurry. This is exactly the kind of way everyone should begin their day!


Who came up with this idea and why did no one have them killed before it could spread? I mean, why would any of us need more aggravation in our lives? Can you think of a reason?! I didn't think so. You all hate it as much as I do. CRAP!

Now, on to my next topic of frustration. What is with all of these people who cannot drive? I mean, we all know several people, some we even like, that dont belong behind the wheel of a car! Do the math! If we all know 2 people, and there are roughly 380 million people in this country, that means ( I suck at math..*LOL*) too many millions of people can't drive!!! Don't we have a program(we do for every other stupid thing on earth, so why not this!) that teaches how the art of driving works? Come on. Lets organize, create a petition, go public, and make it mandatory to have some kind of 12 step implementation all about how to drive! We can do it. I know its a radical thought, but really, how hard can it be?

And can we please start with the basic principals of a 4 way stop? Then lets work toward a 3 way, and then a 2! We should have some kind of rules about people who are allowed to drive...hmmm...how about if you aren't tall enough to reach the turn signal, you cant drive! Great idea! Or even, if you have a brain the size of a kumquat, no dice. Get out. No chance. Should we even be drastic enough to consider giving a test!? Perhaps you should not be a redneck and drive....nope. That wont fly. Too many of my friends would need rides from me if that happend. Forget that idea.

Should there be an age limmit? Or perhaps an I.Q test? If you cant tell red, yellow and green aprart, no driving! Thats an idea.
I know 10 year olds that drive farm equipment better than 30 year olds know how to walk! Now that is scary!

Cars are dangerous. Newsflash! Why don't pedestrains realize this? How many times have all of us had one of these large, flighty creatures, usually found in a gaggle of others, lunge out in front of us, while we are going mock eighty with our hair on fire? Holy Crap! You hit the brakes, spill your slurpee, mangle your hips and spleen on the seatbelt, your coveted collection of Englebert Humperdink tapes go tearing through the vehicle, strike the dash, cause a hematoma to your nose,and in my case, boobs, and you lurch to a stop, look up...and there they are! Grinning idiots who are trying to find their butt with both hands in the middle of the road, and failing miserably.

Now, you are sitting there, having this conversation within your head, and in my case it goes something like this:

" @#@#! #$#$#! I am going to leap out and kill that little %&*^*&^!!
I have a slurpee on my lap, a tape stuck to my butt, and a nose that looks worse than freakin' Pinnoccio! I have to get clean undies, and I have no tread on my shoes, cause they caught fire and melted!!

Unfortunatley, by the time I go to speak to this idiot, I have only two brain cells, and one nueron firing in between them, so I end up looking like a dememnted slack jawed porcupine on crack!, with spit frothing at my mouth! So I scream an expletive( my favorite thing to do, if you hadn't figured that out by now!) and hit the gas like a asylum escapee on the run to Dunkin Doughnuts for the first time in 20 years!

So! Can we have a test or something for driving? Um, and possibly some therapy for those of us who did take one, and are now certifiable from the experience?!

What? What is that you say? There is a test? Its required before you can drive? OH. I see. Well, could only the people who passed it drive? Would that be okay? Please?!