The Furniture Fairy Horror





There I was. Sitting in the living room, stroking the woofers, hanging out contemplating my naval lint, minding my own business, when a huge crash was heard! I checked my pants, jumped up in a flurry of terror, clutched at the dogs, and maimed the cat, who was now happily residing on the ceiling fan. No, I do not make this up. The noise was a woman riding a cydermocle( no, its not a broom guys!) She came charging forward at mock eighty with her hair on fire, and this crazy gleam in her eyes! I crawled under the dog. I didn't fit. Damn it! I stood up to face the nightmare that was about to reign down on my head. Furniture Moving!

Now, I am a Woman( at least in theory) and even I fail to understand why a perfectly good arrangement of furniture must be moved with the regularity of a Fiber dose! WTF is wrong with leaving it where you put it? I can't figure that out. I don't even want to, if I did I might get sucked into the Phycosis. The couch went one way, the cat fell into a traumatized heap on the soon to be re-positioned carpet, quivering with the desire to retch up her dinner in total fear. I could hardly blame it, I had to swallow my guts back down too!

With a gleeful cackle, moving like a whirling dervish, she made off with the coffee table, and the rocker chair. Soon, the commotion was so great that the neighbors were beginning to think we were attempting to levitate the house....Nope. Just my Mother, moving furniture in the middle of the night for no good reason. I move furniture when I move to a new place, or buy new stuff...thats it. Never gets moved again. Normal. She moves it when the mood strikes. And its a poisonous snake of a mood. Next thing you know, you go to hike to the bathroom at 3am and you rack your toes on a piece of furniture you didn't even know you had! @$$%$% you exclaim, swearing in the dark you hear a chuckle form the perpetrator of this debacle!

I am surprised she doesn't ride a broom with delight, for certain I am that she is a Witch! The good kind, mind you, who only moves furniture, drives you crazy and makes you want to seek therapy for the extensive damage done to your physce, among other parts of your body......

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