GET OFF ME

I stand before you greatly humbled, and duly chastised for not telling the tale of my Birthday Debacle! Okay Lady! GET OFF ME! Live in my world for ten minutes, I dare you! On to the superhighway of my life and times. I am innocently trying to tune up, repair and reconfigure my Wagon( the new one, the Lady bootlegged my old one...so there!) and in the process of this attempt, I am getting blocked at every rut! Why? you ask? My partners in Crime are thick as thieves and up too no good. Plotting against( or at least without!) Queenie. How sad. You think you know your Posse and then you find they know you better, and yep, you guessed it, you get surprised! I was mislead, deceived, and just plain lied too. I thought they all abandoned my for about a week, and then, wham! Surprise party for me! Diabolical! Really. I almost cried. It was so sweet. Never mind the fact that the Hubby was in on it too, and kept me busy, and a fashion victim for my own party( where you know their were cameras! ...

I bounce out of my bed, wipe the smeared chocolate from my face from the binge of the nite before, head off to the showers(chocolate gets into the damnedest places!) and do a jig worthy of some bourbon street Can-can dancers who drank too much the nite before....IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! Whoo-hooooo! I feel giddy with glee, smote with anticipation. Jubilant! I get Cake! I get to be the center of attention! I am Queenie, hear me roar!! Okay, so I am a LEO; HELLO?! that means I am something special. Even if it's just the Mules that think so. Get off me! The most important thing, as I look headlong into today's many surprises, and reflect on my life thus far is that I get to share in the wonders of....CHOCOLATE! You people didn't think I meant you, now did you? Sheesh. Whatever. It's My BIRTHDAY! No, that smooth substance brought down from heaven is the reason for celebrating this day. I get to eat even more, and the best part is the calories don't count. Its like a get ou...

We lurched onto the wagon trail, ran headlong into traffic, and off we went. On the way to the Big City to see what kinds of havoc we could get into in 48 hours. We managed to piss off plenty of folks, avoid the law, and sneak thru most of this state and some of the next without losing our cool, our garters, or any of whatever sense we may have accidentally had in the first place. First stop. Shopping. We ran thru the stores with mad glee, too much money, and not one single man who could have stopped us, even if he had taken his life into his own hands and tried. Never get between two women and their loot! I managed to bring home some booty, and even some new fangled stuff to strut about town in. Sorry Guys, we didn't make the Lingere shops this trip. Stay tuned for that occurrence. We gaped at plenty of scenery, flirted with whatever would pay any notice, and ate some real fine munchies. All the chocolate rations were depleted within a hour on the road. I confess, I ate it mostly ...

Loaded and Ready! I have a posse! Okay, only me and one other! Get off Me! The important thing is that I have people that are crazy enough to hang out with me, much less travel with me across the entire state, as we roll up our sleeping bags, grab the guns and the barrels of Whiskey and tromp out to the City.....along that pig trail I like to call Hell's Too Many Acres! Insert insane laugh here. We are going on a Wagon Trip! I am so thrilled I can hardly contain my uterus! Yep, the wagon( which is no longer mine, I sold it for a rasher of Bacon, some grits and a few new mules... okay, liquor was also involved, but that's not important right now...) myself and my cohort "The Lady" are headed out to round up some fast times, cool people and new trouble to get into. Yee Haw! Ride 'em Cowgirls! I am excited like a kid sittin in the dark hording all the chocolate on Christmas Mornin' while the parents are innocently sleepin with the radio on! Whoo hooo! Its tough ...

This was sent to me via email from a good Friend. I wanted to share it with all of you. Summer is the time we all realize life is moving too fast, there is too little time for what must be done, and never enough for what we want to do....let's all go back to when we had all the time in the world, and "nothing to do!" LOL. Enjoy. Enjoy your trip back down memory lane... Close your eyes...And go back... ...Before the Internet or PC or the MAC...... ....Before semi-automatics and crack.... ....Before Playstation, SEGA, Super Nintendo, even before Atari... ..Before cell phones, CD's, DVD's, voicemail and e-mail.... ....way back.... ....way.....way.....way back..... I'm talkin' bout hide and seek at dusk Red light, Green light Red Rover....Red Rover..... Playing kickball & dodgeball until the first...no...second...no...third Streetlight came on Ring around the Rosie London Bridge Hot potato Hop Scotch Jump rope Duck....duck....GOOSE!!! YOU...

In the continuing saga of puppy ownership, reason number four hundred and two billion why NOT to allow them into the house has cropped up. They will break whatever they can. To recap, I have had shoes, clothing,furniture,hats,makeup,wiring,plants and the occasional landscape edging eaten,chewed,ripped,destroyed,paraded in the yard,slobbered on, or at minimum, taken places they should never, ever go. The newest result is a broken toilet. One day, no problem:the next, not working! The culprit is of course....Lucy! We all know who did it long before its proven, but I like to delude myself into thinking that one of the "angel" dogs, have suddenly, in a total 180, decided to do something they have never even considered. And then I get off the Crack, and scream" Dammit Lucy!" at the top of my lungs. When she slinks into my presence, guilt is already all over that cute, devilish puppy face. The biggest eyes on the planet stare up at me with that soulful look that has kept ...

Kids or Dogs. Which is better? Probably neither, but in my humble opinion, I would rather have the dogs. They never come to you in a mini skirt cut to there and high heels telling you they are dating the worst boy in the county. They never ask you for money, and then leave you wondering what they spent it on. They never come to you and announce, " I am pregnant, and I don't know who by....." Crap! They don't keep you up all nite wondering where the hell they are, and with who? They don't ask you how to have sex, or where babies come from. They just have em. End of story. And they don't make you keep them, you can send them off to shelter, give them away, or even sell them for money! They don't smoke( except Lucy keeps trying...don't ask...!) and they don't drink anything they shouldn't except toilet water, and well, they are dogs. So you get over that... If they bring home a stray, you can A. Shoot it. B. Call the Cops( okay, you can do this wi...