GET OFF ME

Queenie is now the ripe age( No! I dont stink!) of thirty. Some of my friends and family are curious to know just how I survived this long....sheer will! I find some interesting things go along with the age. I am now considered an adult. Weather I like it or not, and weather I behave like one or not. Perception is the key. There is some kind of magic involved with this particular number when applied to a person. If you are twenty-nine, you are still irresponsible. IF you are thirty, you are taken seriously, how scary is that? I can't even take myself serious, and now there are other people in the world who will, no matter what. Just becasue I had "the birthday" I love my birthday. Its like a present to yourself. You wake up, and blam, you are another age. Its like taking a pill, and suffering the side effects for a year! Everything changes. Plus, its an excuse to make people buy you things out of guilt, and they acually ask you what you want. This was so much easier w...

Wagons are sometimes not worth the trouble. Take mine for instance. I picked up my plush ride about two years ago, finally upgrading! Good wheels, good horses, but not the most stylish ride for Queenie. Next came a jeep. I loved it with a sick passion that comes from finally getting into a ride that expresses my personality, and okay, it was cuter than a speckled pup under a red wagon. I had it for two years. It had a lift on it( which I enjoyed even if It could make winter driving a bit tricky!) and it was two toned in color, which added a certain flavor to the overall look and feel. Soon, it was obvious to me, mostly b/c of my Husbands constant reminders and harping, that I needed to upgrade once again to something a bit bigger, sturdier and with more room for our beloved crazy friends. They like to go places with us, and I wanted to take them, but the Jeep was a little cramped for more than 2 people. Not to mention, leg room was severely lacking. A bit like riding a tricycle ...

She talks. She uses the bathroom. She drinks tea. She likes coffee. She talks back. She has run the mules ragged, and they are on Strike. They refuse to be anywhere near her. She pouts. I plead. Steve chases her with a wild look in his eyes. We have tried water: hoses,spray bottles,taps,glasses, and even sprayers. NO DICE! We have tried yelling. loud,low,long,often,quiet,sincerely,insanely,shreikingly. NO DICE! We have pleaded,cajoled,questioned,argued,demonstrated,hollered, and ignored. NO DICE! For any one out there who ever said I should have kids...may a pox rain on your head! Quite Frankly, A Puppy is plenty!! Lucy is insane. She chases the cat, holds court with the Mules, stalks birds, eats everything she can( rocks, wood, rugs, grass, leaves, fur, cats, mice, hoot owls) and is not afraid of any thing on this earth, with the exception of two words.... " BAD LUCY!" But then she forgets whatever is was she did wrong, and here we go again...... Lucy(short for Lucifer! ...

Packed up the Wagon, lubed the wheels, and tore outta here for three days. Ended up going thru some remarkable country( the Big Horns) and some butt numbing country( rest of Wyoming to Colorado!) My Hubby and I went to pick up a Sex Locker(uh, Camper. Camper!) that we bought( on ebay...sorta) and it had the misfortune of being in Kansas! Crap! So off we went over the hill, tore thru grannys house, plauged the rest of Wyoming, and hit Denver traffic, smog, and crazies at about noon the first day. I spewed soda on the dash, rutted out in a few places, and flattened my butt more than I have in a long time on that buck board! I pulled out the splinters, shored up my ass, and pushed on toward Johnson City Kansas. I rode thru hills that looked like boobs, and wheat and corn fields that resembled, well, by this time, Queenie's Butt! All for a 17 foot gooseneck ( sex locker) so I could go camping without being the main course for misqutios! Well, ended up being worth it. I will neve...

Puppies are the greatest invention in the Universe. Until you have to take care of one... I picked up a pup for my Husband, something to lift his Soul, brighten his days, and generally keep him busy after his hectic stint in Iraq. I think he prefers Iraq at this juncture. LOL! Her name is Lucy Lou( He named her!) and she is gorgeous!! She is 7 weeks, and three days old. Which means she is still wearing diapers in human terms. Now if only I could get her to stand still long enough to strap one on her! She goes 4 million three hundred miles an hour and that is when she is tired! Who decided that puppies had to have qualities of terrible two year olds??!! She is an Austrailian Sheperd. And she is remarkable looking! She has a stripe( kind of like you would find on a skunk!) down her face, and lovley spots all over....think livered. She is very smart, and has more energy than any dog I have ever seen. I think Steve is exhausted just trying to keep up with her. The mules are dealing...

The Mules are on Strike! I can't blame them. They have decided that puddle( more like lake!) jumping is just a little more work than they signed on for. Dumb Animals you say? I acually think they grew some brain cells for a change. Although, I must confess to a little trepedation on my part. Last nite I saw them over at the barn nosin' around with the chickens, the goat, the dogs, one cat,two mice,and some soul chickens! Boy, that got me to thinkin'.....are they loading up for a trip? So I got my trusty lantern, slipped on my sneakin' shoes, and headed out to see what I could find out. Sure enough....there in the barn was the biggest boat I have ever seen! And to my shocked surprise, there they were....loading up two by two! Its Armaggeddon! "The end is near!", one little mouse chanted...Crap! I am gonna have to get a recipe for jackass stew! Thats it. I know they are behind this... My Wagon is stuck in the mud, my mules have slipped off the deep en...

Pondering the amazing results of my arrival home in one piece( well, two including MOM!) as well as safe and sound. Do any of you ever wonder how our Gaurdian Angels make it thru all of our adventures? I Do! I picture them asking for vacations and transfers something like this.... (To Saint Peter) I think..." Man, I gotta have a vacation from Queenie...she is nuts. Nice, but insane. I can't take her anymore..her sheer mental processes are molting my wings!" (Saint Peter to Angel) " You Wuss! Get out there and do your job! That woman needs more help than any case we got. You are going to have to stick it out for at least another several hundred years before I will consider a vacation. Go forth, and hang onto your feathers. And stop Molting on my robes!" (aside to GOD) " He will never make it. He's going to end up as chicken droppings.... (GOD to Saint Peter) " Who is he watching over my Loyal Diciple?" (Saint Peter) " Queenie....