GET OFF ME

Between the rain, the wooden boat, the mules runnin' amok in water, mud, horse shit and haulin' the wagon over some of the messiest slop to ever be called a "road", we are pooped! Lucy has escaped her stables more often than ever, leading to me ridin' a broom in hot pursuit, cursin' a blue streak and wearin' next to nothin' in my rush to nab her slippery ass...but I digress. GET OFF ME! Our start to summer has taken off with more a Want,want, wah, than a bang...unless you count the number of times I have thought about shootin' a mule! Smack in the middle of all this excitement, the Hubby was gifted with a Power Mule. Ok, really we paid hard earned money fer it( I am not even gonna tell you how I got the money), but it's still a gift, so shut it! LOL. Its a lovely blue color, and you don't have to feed it, give it treats or hose off horse crap on a regular basis, so I love it! I may trade in a mule fer another one yet... Maniacal cackle here...

A storm blew into Queenie's world recently, and I plumb went 'round the bend. I decided that with all the recent changes in my life( Ya'll know they haven't been good ones) that I needed to downsize in some area's I would normally NEVER consider. I decided to re-gift a Mule. Pause here for dramatic effect. I can hear you all gaspin' in disbelief, and frankly, I can't even blame you. I felt like my guts were bein' ripped out thru my heart! I convinced myself that I was doin' this for all the right reasons, and that it was necessary. So, the other day, after much heartache, despair(these are my babies people!) I loaded up food and treats, hitched Stickers to the Wagon and roared down the dirt road toward town... I immediately told her to bite these people, eat their house, chase their old dog, and to harass their freakin' cats. I am not proud of this behavior, but nobody that reads this, or who knows me, can say they are surprised by it, so Shut ...

Monday, December 6th,2010: a day that changed my life. For those who haven't heard, seen me, or got the news flash...I no longer have pink railroad tracks! Two years of agony, endless flossin', brushing,pickin', lispin', and, lets be honest, spitin'being unable to eat a friggin' thing I like, and now...FREEDOM! I feel like a Stripper that grew a third boob! Woot, Woot! My whites are pearly. They are currently hangin' out naked and unfettered as all Queenie's parts should be. GET OFF ME! They still hurt like hell, but that hasn't stopped me from shovin' them into innocent people's faces and demanding they say somethin' awesome about them! I feel just like the cat who got the cream...:) Yes, the Mules are jealous, but they can get over it. I deserve this. I waited friggin' years and years to get this done,and even my tooth sadist said they are "magnificent"...magnificent people! Even if he's lyin, I frankly don't give...

Recently,Queenie deserted the mules and the Hubby,and ran like hell. I didn't leave permanently, but jest long enough to meet up with my brother, ogle some other faces in the city, and pretty much run amok for two whole days! Fabulous! My brother and I were rolling(innocently) through unknown parts of the City on a gorgeous Sunday morning,in search of a bar-be-que, and some coffee for Kreig. I wanted him to get some ASAP, as his constant moodiness was gettin' on my last nerve, much like me not having my chocolate fix. So we hooked a left, maimed the minimal amount of people possible, bounced our heads off the cab of the wagon, and screeched into the parking lot. Immediately, our caffeine droopin' eyes beheld the sight of 6 Po-po cars and two Fire Engines! Who squealed I was in town?! Dammit! I casually slumped down in the seat, my heart beatin' like a butterfly trapped in a mason jar, and Bro hit the brakes so hard my uterus squished together and deflated! But, as u...

The mules and I are innocently going mock eighty with our tail feathers on fire, haulin' into town, when up ahead I see a small beige pinto coughin' and sputterin' like a ping pong ball in a windstorm in the outside lane. I proceed with caution, rein in on Lucy and Stickers, and after they calm down, we are nearin' the bumper of this pinto. I absentmindedly sneak a peek at the license plate, and in a fit of coughin', hey, I was drinkin' water folks, GET OFF Me!, I see its a niner! You know how in Texas when they get enough snow to make a footprint, and they start hoarding food, moving old people to higher ground and there's a run on chicken wings, 'cause, God Knows, if you can't get any for a day or so, death is imminent? Well, thats what seein' a niner in a beige pinto is like...Lucy's eye's peeled back and high whinny came outta her mouth, she jerked us sideways while poor Stickers was scramblin' for asphalt purchase! It was a de...

I hitched up the mules the other day, on a fine and sunny morn and to town we rolled, giddy, amok and full of fun. We hit our favorite coffee kiosk with the realization that if we didn't get some hot chai, and a few cookies, there would be massive run in's and snarlin' mules amok in the streets. We pulled up, Lucy managed not to mangle our wagon in her excitement,the window opened, and there was the most excitin' thing they or I had seen in weeks...A MAN! Right there in the little hut of heavenly blends, liqueurs and spices was a dark haired person of the masculine persuasion. He was wearin' shorts ppl! and his legs were worth every short thread in them. Whoo Hoo! Lucy began droolin' her undying love right then and there....her eyes got big as saucers, her tongue lolled out and groomed her face with all the feminine wiles she possessed(little slut!) and her teeth sparkled like diamonds in the sunlight. I swear she winked at him! Dammit Lucy!, control yerself, a...

Ah winter! Your sharp and frigid curling fingers upon my body shall not make my heart or mind your slave! I will burn like a glowing sun with warmth, smolder with wit and charm, and rise again like the fire of Leo that is my birthright. Your spare and selfish creeping ever toward my domicile does not strike fear into my being...I laugh whilst a heater churns wantonly at my feet. The freezing ice that snaps the still green and tender bough shall not crush, nor penetrate where I reside. I am armed with blankets galore, candles to burn and books to ponder while your bone breaking wind blows with gale force and permeating frost. I shall reign triumphant with all the earth's spirits, sprites and goblins on my side, riding out the early descending darkness with mirth and glee! I am passion,willful and free, I stand in defiance of all that you yearn to put asunder,asleep. I roar with heat, smoldering, crackling. If to make me quiver in fear, and acquiesce is your goal, I am the Lion of ...