Let me begin by admitting just how freakin' tall I am, so I don't have to answer that mind numbing annoying question. I am 5' 11" tall. No,really. I measured. With a friggin' tape measure and a spotter!( I needed one so that they could verify this for posterior-ty...um...posterity. Or somethin'. I forget, but there was a person that was not me, and there was no chocolate or liquor until after we completed the task.) GET OFF ME! For real.
I actually AM REALLY 5 Feet 11 inches tall. That's it! From the Tip of my damn toes to the top of my pinhead. I am so sick and Hell-fired tired of people randomly asking me, no matter where the Hell I am, what the hell I'm doing,or who I'm with,"How tall are you??."
I tell them through clenched, grinding teeth, with a smile on my face( which is really a snarl, and you would think that would make them realize they have just committed a fake-Pass, or is that Faux-Pas?,I never can remember,but I digress....) that obviously does NOT communicate my instant irritation, I am 5' 11".
This is where I lose it. Not that I ever found "it" to begin with, but then these people say the thing that really makes my chocolate filled blood boil to molten lava, "No, you must be over six foot at least, or my other favorite, "No,that's not possible,because I'm (insert stupid, useless, I give a tiny rat's ass measurement of their height!) WTF?!!
Let me break this down for you. How tall I am is my business. I'm tall; therefore I am not now, nor have I ever, felt compelled to keep a daily record of my growth. Not when I was a kid, and not now that I'm an adult. My Mother was 6' tall. My Father was 6'5". The chances of any of their offspring being short,were pretty friggin' remote people. As evidenced by their 5'11" Daughter, and their 6'3 inch Son!
I would like to explain to all people in the freakin' world that when you are tall, you mostly just DO NOT GIVE A SHIT HOW TALL YOU ARE!!!! I only think about it when I am forced to use a sink that is at a level for a Lilliputian, a doorway so low I may knock what little brains I have out on and fall writhing to the floor with blood oozing out like an Old Faithful eruption, or, when forced, by social dress code, to buy pants to run amok in public. Otherwise, my height plays a tiny role in my life. Miniscule. Not even a supporting role. More like an extra. Except when it comes to dating, and that is a different post, so focus ppl. I have to get this out first! Dammit.
Do not, under any circumstances, walk up to an obviously tall person and ask them how the goddamn weather is( we don't think that is funny, witty, original, or even worth responding to)and frankly, it just makes you sound and look like a jackass. Do not, under any circumstances, no matter if you yourself are also tall, ask us how tall we are. Were goddamn tall, just like you ass-bag. Tall! Sheesh.
Go measure your own shit and leave our stuff alone. Ok? And here is some food for thought the next time you say something stupid like how tall are you, how's the weather up there or ask us to do something like reach for your crap that YOU put on a high shelf and should get a damn step stool to get it your own damn self! We don't go around asking you how GODDAMN SHORT YOU ARE!
However,we may actually start. As I write this I'm creating a grass roots organization who's sole objective is to go out into the world and harass people that are 5'8 and under. We are going to show up at your Weddings, birthdays', Bar-b-ques and even when you are on a date, shopping for groceries, at work or on vacation and we are going to rudely ask, oblivious to anything, How short are you? Does it smell like ass down there, and, what? you can't be that short, cause midgets are short too and you are even shorter than they are...!
Tact and manners people. And quit rudely pointing out the OBVIOUS. I'm tall. You're not. Get over it, and GET OFF ME!
Queenie. I can reach all my shit on Shelves.
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