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Zoom Zoom...

So, Im out running errands a few weeks ago and find myself at the post office. I walk in and its not too crowded, but there are three clerk vestibules; and all are full. As I approach the only person in front of me, I hear one of the clerks call out for the next in line. There is a woman slumped over at the package counter,still loitering in spite of the call to service. I politely ask, "Ma'am, are you in line?" The reply I promptly recieve is, " No, Im standin' here for the sheer hell of it!". Really?, I think, while my inner snark wakes up, stretches herself and rolls the fuck out... I breeze past her, step up to the counter and turn, cocking my hip and arching an eyebrow at the outraged loiterer, and say,"Don't fire up your broom with a stranger honey; you might find yourself out manuvered!" And I finish my business, wish the clerk Good Day, and ride out in a fucking blaze of glory. Goddamn, its good to be Back In The Saddle! Qu...
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Pillows For Feet

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Once upon a time I just bought socks. I bought them and never thought a thing about them, except possibly when I was young and "slouch socks" were the fashion. I merely made sure that I was buying that which was cool. I had too, as at that time we were all on crack about fashion and were "rolling" our pant legs up and socks were visible to the gaping masses where ever we went. This was the most consideration I gave them. Ma washed them, I wore them. When I needed new ones, we went to the store and I bought a big bag of them. Like 10 pair for 6 bucks. Then one day, innocently minding my own business, focusing on the important shit in life, like chocolate, wine and mule driving, I happened to see these particular socks. They came in the most delicious colors: Ballerina Pink, Baby Blue, Luscious Lavender and Terrific Teal. Then I touched them. OMG, I nearly had an orgasm! These were, and still remain, the softest socks I have ever felt. On the Planet people! I ...
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The Ear Saga

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In the continuing bizarre struggle to survive that is my life, i developed a weird scaly thing on my left ear on the inside fleshy part that some insane people have pierced! It came out of nowhere and at first,I thought it was chocolate that had escaped my notice and the mules( who love it, but it is deadly to them, so, alas, they get none on purpose). Shortly thereafter, the scab came off revealing a perfect circle, with raised dark red flesh that was moist. Holy crap! An alien has infiltrated my brain via my ear!!, was my initial thought. Get Off Me! It could happen dammit! Then I got off the crazy train and began thinking logically. I hate that I am capable of that, but I digress...It could be a spider bite. I've seen some scary ass,carry the mules off, holy freakin' shit storm big ass spiders in this house!: usually crawling amok on my couch, which incurs my high pitched Queeniriffic screaming holy shit balls voice, or on my living room rug, which, while elicit...
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