GET OFF ME

In the continuing saga of puppy ownership, reason number four hundred and two billion why NOT to allow them into the house has cropped up. They will break whatever they can. To recap, I have had shoes, clothing,furniture,hats,makeup,wiring,plants and the occasional landscape edging eaten,chewed,ripped,destroyed,paraded in the yard,slobbered on, or at minimum, taken places they should never, ever go. The newest result is a broken toilet. One day, no problem:the next, not working! The culprit is of course....Lucy! We all know who did it long before its proven, but I like to delude myself into thinking that one of the "angel" dogs, have suddenly, in a total 180, decided to do something they have never even considered. And then I get off the Crack, and scream" Dammit Lucy!" at the top of my lungs. When she slinks into my presence, guilt is already all over that cute, devilish puppy face. The biggest eyes on the planet stare up at me with that soulful look that has kept ...

Kids or Dogs. Which is better? Probably neither, but in my humble opinion, I would rather have the dogs. They never come to you in a mini skirt cut to there and high heels telling you they are dating the worst boy in the county. They never ask you for money, and then leave you wondering what they spent it on. They never come to you and announce, " I am pregnant, and I don't know who by....." Crap! They don't keep you up all nite wondering where the hell they are, and with who? They don't ask you how to have sex, or where babies come from. They just have em. End of story. And they don't make you keep them, you can send them off to shelter, give them away, or even sell them for money! They don't smoke( except Lucy keeps trying...don't ask...!) and they don't drink anything they shouldn't except toilet water, and well, they are dogs. So you get over that... If they bring home a stray, you can A. Shoot it. B. Call the Cops( okay, you can do this wi...