GET OFF ME

So, Im out running errands a few weeks ago and find myself at the post office. I walk in and its not too crowded, but there are three clerk vestibules; and all are full. As I approach the only person in front of me, I hear one of the clerks call out for the next in line. There is a woman slumped over at the package counter,still loitering in spite of the call to service. I politely ask, "Ma'am, are you in line?" The reply I promptly recieve is, " No, Im standin' here for the sheer hell of it!". Really?, I think, while my inner snark wakes up, stretches herself and rolls the fuck out... I breeze past her, step up to the counter and turn, cocking my hip and arching an eyebrow at the outraged loiterer, and say,"Don't fire up your broom with a stranger honey; you might find yourself out manuvered!" And I finish my business, wish the clerk Good Day, and ride out in a fucking blaze of glory. Goddamn, its good to be Back In The Saddle! Qu...

Isn't it interesting, when you really stop, look at your life and examine it closely,you can truly understand why the people that are closest to you are there? My Father was an amazing person. He taught me all the things a girl should know. How to stand up for myself, not to cry in front of people, how to be strong and when to walk away from something stupid that I can't fix. He showed me what a Man should be; Strong, Funny, Smart as Hell and Charming as all get out! He sang " Bridge Over Troubled Waters" by Simon and Garfunkel when I was small, and it remains one of my favorite songs. He hugged me a lot, and screamed at me when I scared the shit out of him, which,I was very good at! He taught me about respect, discipline, consequences and responsibility. He taught me love for nature and appreciation for others. He taught me values and honor, hard work and integrity. He spent time with me because he wanted to, even when He had better things to do, or it wa...

In the continuing bizarre struggle to survive that is my life, i developed a weird scaly thing on my left ear on the inside fleshy part that some insane people have pierced! It came out of nowhere and at first,I thought it was chocolate that had escaped my notice and the mules( who love it, but it is deadly to them, so, alas, they get none on purpose). Shortly thereafter, the scab came off revealing a perfect circle, with raised dark red flesh that was moist. Holy crap! An alien has infiltrated my brain via my ear!!, was my initial thought. Get Off Me! It could happen dammit! Then I got off the crazy train and began thinking logically. I hate that I am capable of that, but I digress...It could be a spider bite. I've seen some scary ass,carry the mules off, holy freakin' shit storm big ass spiders in this house!: usually crawling amok on my couch, which incurs my high pitched Queeniriffic screaming holy shit balls voice, or on my living room rug, which, while elicit...

The End is Near! The End is Near! Well, its 2012, and November so I suppose, as they have surely said for the last several hundred years, the end is near. December 21 is supposed to be the beginning of the end. I am in no way, shape or form ready for this. And its only several weeks away. I am going to die. I do not say this to make you sad. I say this to inform you. When the shit hits the fan and people are running amok lootin', killin' and plunderin' all manner of societies in this nation, rest assured I am already screwed. Lemme 'splain. A friend of mine put it to me that those who live in a populated area, and yes, while Wyoming is not that populated there is an actual city here, and I have neighbors that can come at me from every direction, are going to be in deep shit. He surmised my demise this way," you cannot defend your home,food,family, or in your case, your mules, in a populated area. Everyone will come at you from all sides and you will be amo...

Once upon a time I just bought socks. I bought them and never thought a thing about them, except possibly when I was young and "slouch socks" were the fashion. I merely made sure that I was buying that which was cool. I had too, as at that time we were all on crack about fashion and were "rolling" our pant legs up and socks were visible to the gaping masses where ever we went. This was the most consideration I gave them. Ma washed them, I wore them. When I needed new ones, we went to the store and I bought a big bag of them. Like 10 pair for 6 bucks. Then one day, innocently minding my own business, focusing on the important shit in life, like chocolate, wine and mule driving, I happened to see these particular socks. They came in the most delicious colors: Ballerina Pink, Baby Blue, Luscious Lavender and Terrific Teal. Then I touched them. OMG, I nearly had an orgasm! These were, and still remain, the softest socks I have ever felt. On the Planet people! I ...

I cannot, in all honesty, take it anymore. I feel compelled, on behalf of all tall American People, to share the following Rules on How to Treat Tall Folks. Let me begin by admitting just how freakin' tall I am, so I don't have to answer that mind numbing annoying question. I am 5' 11" tall. No,really. I measured. With a friggin' tape measure and a spotter!( I needed one so that they could verify this for posterior-ty...um...posterity. Or somethin'. I forget, but there was a person that was not me, and there was no chocolate or liquor until after we completed the task.) GET OFF ME! For real. I actually AM REALLY 5 Feet 11 inches tall. That's it! From the Tip of my damn toes to the top of my pinhead. I am so sick and Hell-fired tired of people randomly asking me, no matter where the Hell I am, what the hell I'm doing,or who I'm with,"How tall are you??." I tell them through clenched, grinding teeth, with a smile on my face( which is ...

Okay, okay already. I get it. There really are people with taste out there that spend time reading, and actually want more of this drivel. Well, wait no more! Here I am to ruin your seriousness and create some snorting and choking laughter. Or at least get ya'll to quit posting anonymously about how I am fallin' down on the job. LOL! The mules and I are alive, barely. We survived the move to new digs, and are tryin' hard not to kill each other over the lack of space we have. Well, honestly, I have plenty, but they seem to be sufferin' from wide open spaces with-drawls, which translates into a lot of whining, cryin' and unauthorized escapades when allowed outside to potty. Friggin' Mules! I'm doin' the best I can, GET OFF ME! In other news, I work with a psycho old woman that needs to be choked. I think I am gonna snap and knock her down and break her hip. Or at least smack that sarcastic idiotic smirk off her weasel lookin' face. Seriously. Jus...

This won't be one of my best posts', or really a funny one, but I feel as though I must be honest about some things in my life on here, and recently life has seriously kicked me in the face, trampled on my tender heart and left me in some difficult circumstances so I feel the need to spew. The Hubby, who got very very sick last Thanksgiving and continued to be ill and a medical mystery for the better part of a year, passed away at the young age of 61 on the 22nd of July, 2011. It was a stressful, shocking and altogether horrible event. Made worse for me by the previous deaths, also at very young ages' of both my parents...Dad in 2000, Mom in 2006. I had taken care of them both for rather long periods of time prior and it was no picnic to do the same for Steve. I would like to mention that for the most part,the Hubby stayed in what I consider to be pretty good spirits until close to the end. Then it was just hard for us both to cope. We were married for 9 years, and toge...

Between the rain, the wooden boat, the mules runnin' amok in water, mud, horse shit and haulin' the wagon over some of the messiest slop to ever be called a "road", we are pooped! Lucy has escaped her stables more often than ever, leading to me ridin' a broom in hot pursuit, cursin' a blue streak and wearin' next to nothin' in my rush to nab her slippery ass...but I digress. GET OFF ME! Our start to summer has taken off with more a Want,want, wah, than a bang...unless you count the number of times I have thought about shootin' a mule! Smack in the middle of all this excitement, the Hubby was gifted with a Power Mule. Ok, really we paid hard earned money fer it( I am not even gonna tell you how I got the money), but it's still a gift, so shut it! LOL. Its a lovely blue color, and you don't have to feed it, give it treats or hose off horse crap on a regular basis, so I love it! I may trade in a mule fer another one yet... Maniacal cackle here...

A storm blew into Queenie's world recently, and I plumb went 'round the bend. I decided that with all the recent changes in my life( Ya'll know they haven't been good ones) that I needed to downsize in some area's I would normally NEVER consider. I decided to re-gift a Mule. Pause here for dramatic effect. I can hear you all gaspin' in disbelief, and frankly, I can't even blame you. I felt like my guts were bein' ripped out thru my heart! I convinced myself that I was doin' this for all the right reasons, and that it was necessary. So, the other day, after much heartache, despair(these are my babies people!) I loaded up food and treats, hitched Stickers to the Wagon and roared down the dirt road toward town... I immediately told her to bite these people, eat their house, chase their old dog, and to harass their freakin' cats. I am not proud of this behavior, but nobody that reads this, or who knows me, can say they are surprised by it, so Shut ...

Monday, December 6th,2010: a day that changed my life. For those who haven't heard, seen me, or got the news flash...I no longer have pink railroad tracks! Two years of agony, endless flossin', brushing,pickin', lispin', and, lets be honest, spitin'being unable to eat a friggin' thing I like, and now...FREEDOM! I feel like a Stripper that grew a third boob! Woot, Woot! My whites are pearly. They are currently hangin' out naked and unfettered as all Queenie's parts should be. GET OFF ME! They still hurt like hell, but that hasn't stopped me from shovin' them into innocent people's faces and demanding they say somethin' awesome about them! I feel just like the cat who got the cream...:) Yes, the Mules are jealous, but they can get over it. I deserve this. I waited friggin' years and years to get this done,and even my tooth sadist said they are "magnificent"...magnificent people! Even if he's lyin, I frankly don't give...

Recently,Queenie deserted the mules and the Hubby,and ran like hell. I didn't leave permanently, but jest long enough to meet up with my brother, ogle some other faces in the city, and pretty much run amok for two whole days! Fabulous! My brother and I were rolling(innocently) through unknown parts of the City on a gorgeous Sunday morning,in search of a bar-be-que, and some coffee for Kreig. I wanted him to get some ASAP, as his constant moodiness was gettin' on my last nerve, much like me not having my chocolate fix. So we hooked a left, maimed the minimal amount of people possible, bounced our heads off the cab of the wagon, and screeched into the parking lot. Immediately, our caffeine droopin' eyes beheld the sight of 6 Po-po cars and two Fire Engines! Who squealed I was in town?! Dammit! I casually slumped down in the seat, my heart beatin' like a butterfly trapped in a mason jar, and Bro hit the brakes so hard my uterus squished together and deflated! But, as u...

The mules and I are innocently going mock eighty with our tail feathers on fire, haulin' into town, when up ahead I see a small beige pinto coughin' and sputterin' like a ping pong ball in a windstorm in the outside lane. I proceed with caution, rein in on Lucy and Stickers, and after they calm down, we are nearin' the bumper of this pinto. I absentmindedly sneak a peek at the license plate, and in a fit of coughin', hey, I was drinkin' water folks, GET OFF Me!, I see its a niner! You know how in Texas when they get enough snow to make a footprint, and they start hoarding food, moving old people to higher ground and there's a run on chicken wings, 'cause, God Knows, if you can't get any for a day or so, death is imminent? Well, thats what seein' a niner in a beige pinto is like...Lucy's eye's peeled back and high whinny came outta her mouth, she jerked us sideways while poor Stickers was scramblin' for asphalt purchase! It was a de...

I hitched up the mules the other day, on a fine and sunny morn and to town we rolled, giddy, amok and full of fun. We hit our favorite coffee kiosk with the realization that if we didn't get some hot chai, and a few cookies, there would be massive run in's and snarlin' mules amok in the streets. We pulled up, Lucy managed not to mangle our wagon in her excitement,the window opened, and there was the most excitin' thing they or I had seen in weeks...A MAN! Right there in the little hut of heavenly blends, liqueurs and spices was a dark haired person of the masculine persuasion. He was wearin' shorts ppl! and his legs were worth every short thread in them. Whoo Hoo! Lucy began droolin' her undying love right then and there....her eyes got big as saucers, her tongue lolled out and groomed her face with all the feminine wiles she possessed(little slut!) and her teeth sparkled like diamonds in the sunlight. I swear she winked at him! Dammit Lucy!, control yerself, a...

Ah winter! Your sharp and frigid curling fingers upon my body shall not make my heart or mind your slave! I will burn like a glowing sun with warmth, smolder with wit and charm, and rise again like the fire of Leo that is my birthright. Your spare and selfish creeping ever toward my domicile does not strike fear into my being...I laugh whilst a heater churns wantonly at my feet. The freezing ice that snaps the still green and tender bough shall not crush, nor penetrate where I reside. I am armed with blankets galore, candles to burn and books to ponder while your bone breaking wind blows with gale force and permeating frost. I shall reign triumphant with all the earth's spirits, sprites and goblins on my side, riding out the early descending darkness with mirth and glee! I am passion,willful and free, I stand in defiance of all that you yearn to put asunder,asleep. I roar with heat, smoldering, crackling. If to make me quiver in fear, and acquiesce is your goal, I am the Lion of ...

For My Brother; I love you like no one else ever will. I love that you make me laugh, even when I have little to laugh about. I love that you make each moment something special, while treating others to how special you are. I love that I knew you when, and still love you in spite of most of it. I love that you treat the world how you want to be treated, while not allowing it to treat you unkindly. I love that you knew me when, and still love me in spite of most of it. I love that we love each other for who we are, in spite of the choices and mistakes we have made, are about to make, and will likely make again. I love how you make a long day brighter, a lonely time friendlier, and a Lazy day longer. I love that I am your only Sister, always will be, and that you are my only brother, and will always be. I love that you are another year older, because its' another year I have loved you, laughed with you and had the opportunity to enjoy being your Sis.... and that you are older than me...

Fall always makes me stop, breathe deep and begin contemplation of how cold my ass is going to get this winter. Can't help it, I am not a fan of cold, snow, wind, or freezin'. I am however, a huge fan of fire's, homemade cookin', wool, heavy blankets, sweaters, hot tea, loads of chocolate and endless cuddlin' on the couch, even if it's usually those damn mules that are glued to my sides, stealin the blankets and sippin' my tea. Damn Mules! I tend to hibernate most of the winter, so if you want to see Queenie before the snow flies, you better invite me somewhere soon! I promise to do better with postin' crap on here for any of you to read, friend or foe( I seem to be collectin' more of the former than the latter lately, whoo hoo!) and keep you updated on the going's on with Lucy and Stickers'. I am hopin' like hell we can rustle up a bunch of my favorite people to go skinny dippin' up in Montana before Christmas comes, and have a fami...

Make a wish, Make it grand, Make it big as you can stand. Make it loud, Make it strong, Make it up as you go along. Make a difference, Make your mark, Make your own creative spark. Make a statement, Make it true, Make it from the heart of you. Make a scene, Make a face, Make yourself some breathing-space. Make a way, Make more time, to laugh and play. Make peace, Make amends, Make a promise make new friends. Make it work, Make it go, Make it "yes" instead of "no". Make some music, Make some noise, Make a list of simple joys. Make some cookies, Make some tea, Make a date with destiny. Make a try, Make a guess, Make a choice for happiness. Make your life anything and everything you want it to be! Author Unknown How wonderful is this? Queenie.

Debauchery was everywhere this week! Old friends flapped their wings and landed in Whoville, new one's were forced by their Parents to come out and join the Circus, and others just wagon-ho'd in for a bit of moonshine and memories. I could not be happier, more tired, more sore in places I don't even mention here...GET OFF ME! I cooked, catered, rode herd on, liquor'ed up more people and laughed myself silly.Amok, Amok,Amok!! Bro showed up on his Cyder-Mocle and gave free rides, Women too hot to handle wore skimpy clothing( ya'll know I loved that!!) and I watched more friendships flare up and blossom than my heart can hold love for. Memories were made, connections re-solidified and lies upon lies were strewn about like lingerie at a Bordello raid! Whoo Hooo! Lucy and Stickers chased their tails, every other tail, and sniffed anything they could get to hold still long enough. Food from Coon-Ass Southern Women...Ok, just me, but hey, somebody had to help out these Da...

They say the cowboys' time spanned some twenty years And their day has long since passed That barbed wire now rides night herd And the roundups run on gas We hear that horses now are bred to ride Not needed to work cattle That cowboy gear is just for show Like a rattlesnake with its rattles As the lonely howl of the timber wolf Has been replaced by the coyote's song The tough young men who trailed the herds In today's world don't belong But out there on the prairies In the canyons and the draws You'll see horsemen herding cattle And hear the branded mavericks bawl You'll see horses hot and lathered And the cowboys rope and tie See the cooky's fire start smoking As the long day starts to die Just the sight of young men riding Brings back images from the past While they yet ride these memories Until the final day will last And high up in the heavens Riding t...