GET OFF ME

I already have enough to do reading food labels,and now I have to check my chocolate?! The friggin' Aztec's made chocolate with cocoa butter, and um, cocoa and vanilla- real stuff, so why is this not good enough for us today? Sadly, it comes down to my "Golden Rule", follow the money. Turns out Cocoa butter is expensive and therefore many manufactures of candy replaced it with PGPR(an emulsifier made from castor beans which reduces the viscosity of chocolate and similar coatings and compounds." Wikipedia Wikipedia goes on to explain that"It is primarily used to reduce the fat content of chocolate. Since 2006, commercial-grade candy bars, such as those made by Hershey's and Nestle , made an industry-wide switch to include PGPR as an ingredient - a possible indicator of a cost saving measure by the commercial chocolate industry." In addition, they are using synthetic vanilla, and artificial flavorings. Holy crap! I would rather pay more for the real...

There I was,mindin' my own business, and everyone else's( ya'll know I do that!) when Lucy took my toe out in one fell swoop! I cussed like a streetwalker screwed by her john, and turned the air purple. Lucy ran like her butt was on fire( it will shortly be in a pot with fire under it, filled with onions for stew, so same difference) and Stickers stood there with eyes as big as saucers and her mouth hangin' open. I hobbled toward the chocolate stash and plopped on the couch with something besides my uterus achin' fer a change. Lucky I grabbed the whiskey along with the chocolate I plan on smearin' all over myself. Medicinal purposes you understand... Get off ME! My damn mule broke my piggy. You know, this little piggy went to the market, this little piggy went....well, my little freakin' piggy went snap! Get Off Me Mule!! It hurts like hell, and the chocolate is dwindlin' so I have to go to the damn store in mornin' and re-load. Ration list: chocolat...