GET OFF ME

Isn't it interesting, when you really stop, look at your life and examine it closely,you can truly understand why the people that are closest to you are there? My Father was an amazing person. He taught me all the things a girl should know. How to stand up for myself, not to cry in front of people, how to be strong and when to walk away from something stupid that I can't fix. He showed me what a Man should be; Strong, Funny, Smart as Hell and Charming as all get out! He sang " Bridge Over Troubled Waters" by Simon and Garfunkel when I was small, and it remains one of my favorite songs. He hugged me a lot, and screamed at me when I scared the shit out of him, which,I was very good at! He taught me about respect, discipline, consequences and responsibility. He taught me love for nature and appreciation for others. He taught me values and honor, hard work and integrity. He spent time with me because he wanted to, even when He had better things to do, or it wa

In the continuing bizarre struggle to survive that is my life, i developed a weird scaly thing on my left ear on the inside fleshy part that some insane people have pierced! It came out of nowhere and at first,I thought it was chocolate that had escaped my notice and the mules( who love it, but it is deadly to them, so, alas, they get none on purpose). Shortly thereafter, the scab came off revealing a perfect circle, with raised dark red flesh that was moist. Holy crap! An alien has infiltrated my brain via my ear!!, was my initial thought. Get Off Me! It could happen dammit! Then I got off the crazy train and began thinking logically. I hate that I am capable of that, but I digress...It could be a spider bite. I've seen some scary ass,carry the mules off, holy freakin' shit storm big ass spiders in this house!: usually crawling amok on my couch, which incurs my high pitched Queeniriffic screaming holy shit balls voice, or on my living room rug, which, while elicit

The End is Near! The End is Near! Well, its 2012, and November so I suppose, as they have surely said for the last several hundred years, the end is near. December 21 is supposed to be the beginning of the end. I am in no way, shape or form ready for this. And its only several weeks away. I am going to die. I do not say this to make you sad. I say this to inform you. When the shit hits the fan and people are running amok lootin', killin' and plunderin' all manner of societies in this nation, rest assured I am already screwed. Lemme 'splain. A friend of mine put it to me that those who live in a populated area, and yes, while Wyoming is not that populated there is an actual city here, and I have neighbors that can come at me from every direction, are going to be in deep shit. He surmised my demise this way," you cannot defend your home,food,family, or in your case, your mules, in a populated area. Everyone will come at you from all sides and you will be amo

Once upon a time I just bought socks. I bought them and never thought a thing about them, except possibly when I was young and "slouch socks" were the fashion. I merely made sure that I was buying that which was cool. I had too, as at that time we were all on crack about fashion and were "rolling" our pant legs up and socks were visible to the gaping masses where ever we went. This was the most consideration I gave them. Ma washed them, I wore them. When I needed new ones, we went to the store and I bought a big bag of them. Like 10 pair for 6 bucks. Then one day, innocently minding my own business, focusing on the important shit in life, like chocolate, wine and mule driving, I happened to see these particular socks. They came in the most delicious colors: Ballerina Pink, Baby Blue, Luscious Lavender and Terrific Teal. Then I touched them. OMG, I nearly had an orgasm! These were, and still remain, the softest socks I have ever felt. On the Planet people! I

I cannot, in all honesty, take it anymore. I feel compelled, on behalf of all tall American People, to share the following Rules on How to Treat Tall Folks. Let me begin by admitting just how freakin' tall I am, so I don't have to answer that mind numbing annoying question. I am 5' 11" tall. No,really. I measured. With a friggin' tape measure and a spotter!( I needed one so that they could verify this for posterior-ty...um...posterity. Or somethin'. I forget, but there was a person that was not me, and there was no chocolate or liquor until after we completed the task.) GET OFF ME! For real. I actually AM REALLY 5 Feet 11 inches tall. That's it! From the Tip of my damn toes to the top of my pinhead. I am so sick and Hell-fired tired of people randomly asking me, no matter where the Hell I am, what the hell I'm doing,or who I'm with,"How tall are you??." I tell them through clenched, grinding teeth, with a smile on my face( which is

Okay, okay already. I get it. There really are people with taste out there that spend time reading, and actually want more of this drivel. Well, wait no more! Here I am to ruin your seriousness and create some snorting and choking laughter. Or at least get ya'll to quit posting anonymously about how I am fallin' down on the job. LOL! The mules and I are alive, barely. We survived the move to new digs, and are tryin' hard not to kill each other over the lack of space we have. Well, honestly, I have plenty, but they seem to be sufferin' from wide open spaces with-drawls, which translates into a lot of whining, cryin' and unauthorized escapades when allowed outside to potty. Friggin' Mules! I'm doin' the best I can, GET OFF ME! In other news, I work with a psycho old woman that needs to be choked. I think I am gonna snap and knock her down and break her hip. Or at least smack that sarcastic idiotic smirk off her weasel lookin' face. Seriously. Jus